Three years ago this week I was wrestling with one of my biggest leaps of faith yet… to leave my job or not.
People say a picture is worth a thousand words…while scrolling through my Facebook ‘On This Day’ feed the picture popped up and my heart skipped a beat. It was a picture I snapped quickly in the wee hours of a work morning showing my son Connor’s hand ever so lightly touching my shoulder as he slept. Just last night I had grabbed a picture of Connor snuggling with Tim right before bed. Today I starred at both of these pictures simultaneously. These pictures show the heart of grief, change and amazing love.
So back to that huge leap of faith I had ever taken… turning in my resignation as Executive Director. God had showed me He would provide even though I had no clue how. That original picture of Connors hand on my shoulder tells a much deeper story only my heart will truely understand but it’s a picture of a grieving boy, my son , so afraid to sleep in his own bed-so afraid to leave mommas side, that he may too lose me. During his sleep he always found a way to touch me to make sure I was still here. Just weeks after this picture our lives dramatically changed. After weeks of sleepless nights due to Connor’s night terrors, I jumped. I took that huge leap of faith of leaving my job and then only weeks later Tim Hill and I ‘were a thing’ and the rest is history.
Yesterday when I snapped the new snuggling picture, I was already crying… crying with joy, amazement and wonder at how God works All things out for His good. Connor now has a ‘daddio’, as he calls Tim, and Tim has a heart full of love to give.
Many ask how do we do it? How do we blend? Honestly, it’s God. I often think (actually always) what would Bill Powers have wanted? For Connor? For Me? I honestly believe he would have wanted us to have provision, overflow, love for others, to follow Gods Will and happiness. That gives me unbelievable peace.
Loss is hard, beyond hard, almost unbearable at times. However, we have been given life here on this earth to live out. Live it out in their honor if needed, but just live!