Overwhelmed, frustrated, and ready to throw the towel in… ever felt that way?
Today my youngest little one grabbed my too close for comfort cup of iced coffee. You can guess the rest. The unfortunate part is that it was sitting right next to my phone and laptop. One survived, one did not. My laptop bit the dust today.
As a mom I constantly second guess myself, blame myself, correct myself… I really don’t need others to tell me what I’ve done wrong, I have it pretty well covered. The problem here is that the enemy gets in here too. So subtly he nudges his way into my already bad self talk and makes it worse.
Having engaged in 2 back to back pregnancies, it’s been tough. Today I want to focus on that trash talk. Yeah, the gunk no one really wants to say out loud because most of what we say to ourselves we would not say out loud to our enemy. I contribute a lot to Post Partum Depression but just the fact of being a new mom again to two little guys is simply not easy. You are tired, irritable, plans don’t go as planned, you find yourself backing out of commitments because it’s simply overwhelming to get out of the house.
Now enter me running away. After the ordeal with the laptop, literally as it drained in the kitchen sink, my amazing husband attempted four times to repair it with no avail. I finally reached my ‘Don’t touch this button’ button. Tim graciously looked at me and said ‘honey, I think you need to take a break’. In my not so mild voice I said ‘there’s no where in this house to take a break!!’. He simply replied with ‘get your keys and drive’.
That’s what I did, grabbed my keys and wallet. No shoes, no phone, no rest of my purse, no destination. I wound up sitting for awhile at our nearby lake. Here’s the thing, I’ve contemplated many times ‘running away’. When life gets just too tough, I want to grab my stuff and go! But God has showed me over time that really I’m just in need of running to Him. I’ve somehow managed to get myself jammed up with all this bad self talk, questioning my purpose, the ultimate identity crisis and for goodness sakes my computer is trash. BUT only He can soothe away my fears and replace His loving thoughts.
You have made known to me the paths of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence. Acts 2:28
Today, friend, I pray that if you desire to ‘run away’ that you sneak to a place to run into His presence. His presence will fill your love tank beyond full so you can keep chugging along on your journey. And, you guessed it, only God knew that my older laptop was in perfect condition to fill the gap.